Dear G,

My grandma recently passed away. Before she died, she wanted to spend the last of her days with my aunt — her own child.

Sadly, my aunt would not take her in. I could not offer my small apartment even though I really wanted to have my grandmother stay with me.

Now my aunt insists I should pay for half of the funeral expenses, or else I cannot have the inheritance my grandmother left me. I want to cut ties with my aunt completely. Am I being unreasonable?

Respectfully,

Frustrated Niece

Dear Frustrated Niece,

My condolences on your loss.

Dealing with relatives is tough in any situation. Usually, the wishes of the one who passed away are respected, especially with regard to funeral rites. Perhaps your aunt has financial reasons for not doing so? Most things can be talked about, but if you feel you truly can’t, give yourself some breathing room. Try to see it from a neutral perspective. Are her requests unreasonable?

It does seem as if your inheritance and the expenses are unrelated. Are the amounts equal? Again, it is something to talk about.

If you need an intermediary, that’s where the law comes in if there is no neutral person to help. Don’t be afraid to consult a professional, though a fee may be involved.

Good luck,

G

Dear Frustrated Niece,

Your aunt is some character, huh? Not taking in one’s sick mother for one reason or another is unforgivable. Asking that you share in her own mother’s funeral expenses, otherwise you forfeit your inheritance, is taking this dispute to a new level. What’s eating her?

Anyway, what I can suggest is that you bring in the rest of the family to talk things over, split the expenses fairly, and get your share of the inheritance. If you can survive without the inheritance, good for you.

If you wish to enjoy whatever your grandmother may have left you, be prepared to fight it out. This will stretch your time with your aunt, though. Do you really want that extra time interacting with a character? Think.

Plough on!

G