Saturday, May 25, 2024

Advice#14: A Tangle


Advice#14: A Tangle

Photo by Maria Teneva on Unsplash

Dear G,

My boyfriend came out to me, and I accepted it. He introduced me to his boyfriend, who seemed nice. Recently, his boyfriend has been asking me out. What do I do now?



Dear Julia,

It is difficult to know how to answer this properly without knowing all the facts.

I think what matters here is communication. Ask yourself these questions:

  1. How are you okay with your boyfriend being gay? You realize that means he isn’t sexually attracted to you. Does that mean you aren’t sexually attracted to him, either?
  2. He’s gay; you’ve accepted it, fine. But how is it okay that there is a third party? He is cheating on you, albeit with a man. Are you truly okay with that?
  3. The third-party is making overtures to you … does your boyfriend (I am assuming he is still your boyfriend up to now) know this? Is he trying to get you to cheat with him as well?
  4. Are you and your boyfriend in an open relationship, which allows for a third or even fourth party to be involved?

If the attraction is mutual for all parties (meaning you, your boyfriend, and his boyfriend) and your boyfriend (I am getting confused) is okay with it, then maybe it is an opening for some kinky fun. But note that it is only okay if everyone wants it.

If, however, it is a case of the other guy trying to go behind your mutual boyfriend’s back, then that is not cool.

At the end of the day, I think it depends on what you want and what you are willing to accept as good.  Just my take:

  • He comes out to you, which makes you feel that he trusts you enough to tell you his truth.
  • Your boyfriend cheated on you and introduced his boyfriend to you. That is his way of saying, “It’s not you, it’s me”, but the fact he introduced the third-party as his boyfriend means they have been cheating on you for a long time. That is disrespectful and insensitive.
  • The third-party is asking you out … unless your boyfriend is aware and part of it; that is just messed up and speaks of the shady character of that guy because it seems like he is expecting you to cheat on your mutual boyfriend with him.

This isn’t even a question of “why choose?” It is really a question of honesty, trust, and respect.

I know this is long, but …. the three of you should sit and talk and decide where you want this relationship to go. While threesomes are not common, they do happen, and if it is something that all three of you want to explore, then go for it. Just be open and honest with each other.

Dear Julia,

When someone is in a relationship, regardless of gender, and they ask someone else out, THAT IS CHEATING! That’s bad karma coming your way. Stay away from it unless you plan for this to become a threesome.

Still, if you are tempted to say yes to this, give your (I assume) now ex-boyfriend a heads up and find out the lay of the land. Take it from there.

Good luck,


Dear Julia,

Wait, wait, wait! What?

Poor ex-bf. You have to tell him and save him from disaster. Then let him know that this is your first and last time to help him out. He’s an adult; his heartaches are his own and not yours.



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