You know your heart is broken when you hear a sad song and it speaks to you.
What do you look for in a relationship? In an ideal man? This list describes mine:
- Hugs and kisses
- Holding hands while walking
- Pick-up and drop off work or on a date night.
- Talk about everything and anything under the sun
- Go on a real date or a candlelight dinner
- Do things together, even small things
- Spend time with each other. Go on a weekend gateway.
- Meet the family and friends.
I don’t think I am asking for too much. You might have read this list and said “Duh, where have you been? Have you been living under a rock?” You see, I really haven’t had a real relationship; at least not like the ones you may have experienced or what I have read about in books.
I was a late bloomer, a hopeless romantic. I read books (a lot). One of my friends calls me a bookworm. Perhaps because of all the books I’ve read, I have idealized love and romance. Some would say this has made me pihikan (choosy). Add to that the fact that I am a dutiful daughter and, to me, my parents (and my family) come first, over any other relationship.
But when I fall in love, I fall helplessly (head over heels) in love (to my detriment). And it hurts to discover that he (let’s call him DICK) does not love me the same way, or at all. I’ve been cheated on, mooched off of (like I’m some kind of sugar mommy), and parents have disliked me for not living in “a good part of town”. Seriously?!?
In my wildest dreams, I never thought this would happen to me. Here are some phrases that Dick has thrown my way:
- If you don’t help me [financially], our love won’t grow.
- You said you love me, so why won’t you help me [financially]?
- How will I be able to call you if you don’t send me load?
ATM machine – that is (apparently) what I look like to him. Psychological warfare is what it is. He made me doubt myself and diminished my self-worth, belittled my work, my friends, and my family. In the end, I lost trust in myself.
What’s sad is, I don’t think I know how to be a girlfriend or to act like one. I try so hard to become who (or what) they expect me to be that I think I have lost myself. When I made an effort to be true to myself I was rejected. It was just easier to change to what was expected of me than be accepted for who I really am.
He’s just not that into me
It pains me to say it but he just wasn’t that into me. There were just so many signs and people have told me this, too, but I wanted to believe our love was true.
He does not respond to texts or calls and then days later he surfaces. Accept you aren’t important to him. He was probably spending his time chatting with someone else and only went back to you because that other person was ignoring him.
Lies, lies, lies
He likes to make it seem as though he works for or owns this company but when you research it that company does not exist! Sketchy! He lies to make himself sound more important, more enticing. That does not sound like love, it’s a hook-up opportunity.
Charge to the recipient
Have you ever been told that he is sending you a package but you have to pay for it? Excuse me! If I wanted whatever that is, I would buy it myself, thank you very much! Halfsies? Not even! Tumawad pa, di ba? If you can’t afford it, then don’t buy it.
What I’ve learned:
Listen to that voice inside you that tells you when something is wrong, or not quite right.
It is okay to say NO
It is ok to say NO, especially if your gut tells you that it isn’t right. If it makes him angry without a discussion first then probably that should be taken as a sign that things won’t work out and it is time to drop him. If he only wants you for what you can give him and not for who you are then he does not love you.
About Online Dating
Insist on a video chat so that you can take note of what he looks like, his background, the background noise, etc. For all you know he has you on speaker and he and his friends are just making a fool of you.
About Blind Dates
Safety first. Always have a friend nearby, in case you need rescuing. Come up with some sort of signal that will let them know you need to be extricated from the date.
It takes two to tango
For a relationship to work, both of you should be willing to work on it, to fight for it. Alas, in my case it was most definitely one-sided, my heart is forever broken.
It is ok to make mistakes
No one is perfect, and with every relationship we enter, we are bound to make mistakes. What matters is that we learn from those mistakes and we move forward.
We have but one life to live, live it to the fullest!
Happily ever after
Perhaps I am just a hopeless romantic, but I want my happily ever after. Will I ever find someone who will love me for me? Will he be good to me (and for me)? Will I ever marry and have kids?
I truly believe there is someone out there just for me, even if it means I will have to kiss a few frogs to find him.